How to Support a Colleague Going Through Deep Emotional Pain: A Trauma-Informed Guide for the Workplace

In today’s world of workplace wellness, offering support to a colleague in emotional distress isn't just kind—it’s leadership in action.

We often assume we need to “fix” the pain, say the perfect thing, or offer solutions. But support isn’t about solving someone’s suffering. It's about holding space, offering stability, and practicing emotional attunement.

1. Shift from Fixing to Witnessing

When someone is hurting, their nervous system is likely overwhelmed. The best thing you can offer is presence, not performance. Show up with your full attention, not your fix-it hat. Use reflective statements like:

“That sounds really difficult.” “I can imagine that’s a lot to hold right now.”

2. Respect Emotional Boundaries

People in pain may not be ready—or able—to share everything. Ask permission before diving into emotional territory:

“Would it feel helpful to talk, or would you prefer space today?” This kind of consent-based support restores a sense of agency, which is often eroded during emotional overwhelm.

3. Normalize and Validate (Without Minimizing)

Avoid silver linings or toxic positivity like “everything happens for a reason.” Instead, validate their humanity:

“It makes total sense you’d feel this way. It’s okay not to be okay.”

Validation is not agreement—it’s acknowledgment. And acknowledgment is often the first medicine.

4. Offer Predictable, Low-Effort Support

Small consistent gestures matter more than one big act. Bring them tea. Offer to walk with them. Remind them gently that you’re there—even if they don’t respond right away.

Consistency builds emotional safety over time.

5. Hold Space for Silence

Sometimes the most profound support is simply sitting beside someone and saying nothing at all. Emotional pain is often preverbal. Don’t force words.

Let their silence be enough—and your presence be the permission.

6. Beware of Codependent Over-Involvement

It’s easy to lose yourself in someone else’s suffering. Keep an eye on your own limits, and don’t overextend or bypass your own needs. Emotional attunement includes self-attunement.

Ask yourself:

“Am I helping because I can or because I feel like I have to?” “Can I offer support without carrying their pain as my own?”

7. Encourage Access to Professional Support

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is gently remind someone they don’t have to walk alone—especially if signs of depression, trauma, or burnout are present. You might say:

“I’m here for you, and if you ever want to talk to someone professionally, I can help you find options.”

8. Be Patient With Their Healing

Healing is not linear. Your colleague may have good days followed by tough ones. Stay grounded in your own nervous system, and don’t rush their process. What they need most is non-judgmental consistency.

In workplaces where humans are supported as whole people—not just performers—we create cultures that don’t just survive challenges but evolve through them.

Because being trauma-informed at work doesn’t require a psychology degree. It just takes compassion, boundaries, and the courage to sit with discomfort.

Alex Karydi